These next 20 hours or so are crucial. I honestly don’t know if i’ll pass my exam tomorrow and I’m having a pre-panic attack. I just spent the last 20 mins bawling my eyes out. I don’t have much control over what happens tomorrow…i’ve put the time and hours in and if I don’t pass this exam, then my path might be redirected. I just need to trust that God has a plan whether I pass or fail my final tomorrow.
Coming up on the end of my first semester of my university career i’ve been reflecting a lot on where I am today. And to be honest, I’m not in a place where I thought I would be or ever dream I would be…not even close. I’ve had a lot of expectations for my life, and I haven’t really met any of them. I’ve had a difficult time maintaining friendships, balancing work and school life, having solid God time everyday…etc etc etc….the list goes on. But the biggest and most discouraging failure has been my lack of courage and lack of boldness that I craved coming home from Colorado. I still have the desire and fire that God put in me but its been extremely difficult living it out. Matthew 5:15-16 says, “Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds, and glorify your father in Heaven.” That verse really was the definition of how I was planning and expecting myself to live. I think I put it on myself to meet that expectation when I came home—to my friends, to my family, to all the new people I met…I was going to show them that Jesus is the way. But God had other plans. And has other plans. I’m still trying to figure it out and see where He’s guiding me and what he’s teaching me through all of this. But so far, I’ve learned that I can’t put expectations on myself…because I’ll never be able to meet them. God is the only one who can ever fulfil my expectations. I don’t want to have expectations anymore, because God’s expectations and plans for my life are far better than I can ever dream of—and I want them to be His expectations and not my own. I want to live in God’s footprints…I don’t know what that will look like for me but so far its been a lot harder than I expected.
"I have been crucified in Christ, it is no longer I that live, but Christ living in me." Galatians 2:20
He stays the same through the ages. His love NEVER changes. Though theres pain in the night, JOY comes in the morning.
Nights like these put reality into perspective
I’m awestruck at the amount of grace the Lord pours out on me daily. I am so undeserving.
Our generation has this definition of beauty that is unrealistic, unnatural and imperfect. I believe perfection can only come from God, and He is the one who makes beautiful things. Who are we to redefine that definition of beauty that God already defined? Years and years and years ago it was beautiful to be plump, round and well-fed. It showed that you were rich and wealthy because you had the privilege of eating. Our generation, has this picture of beauty as skinny, stick like, meatless, bony people. How much more opposite can this world get. I can admit I fall into that pit of defining beauty based on things the world is telling me. And I often feel like i’m not meeting the guidelines of our culture and even my peers at times. I think, as Christians we need to re-define beauty as God sees us. We aren’t beautiful because of the clothes we wear, the shape of our bodies, the hair on our heads. We are beautiful because we are each God’s masterpiece, each unique and equivalent in God’s eyes because He made us in His image. His good and perfect image.
"And do this, understanding the present time. The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light." Romans 13:11-12
Reading this tonight was so powerful. I’ve been having a hard time setting my priorities straight these past few weeks. And I’ve been struggling to fit time in to spend time in the Word—as awful as that sounds. I don’t want to just “fit” in time in the Word I want it to be what my day relies on and what I need to do to get through my day. I know that in my heart, yet my actions haven’t been lining up. Reading this tonight has put some of my thoughts and realities into perspective. The time is now…not tomorrow, not in a month, not at the end of the semester. The time is now. I can’t stop putting off my relationship with God like it is something I need to check off my checklist. I need to dig into God’s word NOW and seek Him first NOW. Sooner than later, Jesus will be returning to this earth, and frankly I want to be ready. I want to share the good news, and be bold in my faith. And want to become like Jesus. Not tomorrow, but today.
Booked my tickets to Colorado!!!!!! Colorado here I come!
Yesterday, Yesterday, Yesterday. Wow! God really moved yesterday throughout the whole day. Firstly, we went on our outreach to the Hope House and just hung out with these amazing teen moms and their babies. We just got to know the girls and built relationships with them. It was just so amazing to see how strong these girls were to keep their babies, it was just incredible. After that we went to a christian rail jam in Denver, which was SO sweet. It was awesome to see all these sick boarders! After that was the best part of the day. At 10 pm we went out in the busiest and craziest part of downtown Denver and evangelized til 2am. I can easily say that was the scariest, most uncomfortable, stretching, moving experience of my entire life. The streets we walked on were filled, literally FILLED with night clubs and bars and there was people swarming the streets. And to top things off it was zombie night so there was all these drunk people walking around in these creepy bloody zombie costumes. We started praying and talking to these random people outside of the bars and it was just incredible. God really moved last night. I experienced the holy spirit in a whole new way and I was really stretched outside my comfort zone which was so cool. By the end of the night I was talking to anyone and everyone about God and what they believed in, and I got into some really amazing conversations that hopefully stirred something in their hearts. God is indescribable and is so alive and real! I encourage anyone and everyone to go spread the love of Jesus to anyone and everyone. We are called to further His Kingdom!
Mark 16:15 says, ’And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation. ‘
God, show me your love. Help me to see that my life is just as valuable and precious in your eyes as everyone else’s. Even though I sometimes feel like I’ve been living a sheltered comfortable life, I know that you have a plan for me even when I stray away from your will. Help me to live out your will and listen and obey the plans you have for me. Thank you for the grace you’ve poured down on me and for your forgiving spirit. Lord, I love you. Please reveal yourself to me in new ways. Give me boldness and strength in my faith, and help me to persevere and stay strong even when it gets hard. Give me the courage to live out your plans and stay firm in what I believe. Thank you for your patience with me Lord. Thank you for giving me the community here at Timberline where I can be real, and be me. And continue to help us grow and open up to each other. Give us the strength to know what words to say and kindness and love to stretch out to one another. Give us forgiving hearts and loving spirits. Give us wisdom in the tough times Lord. We love you and thank you for all you’ve done for us. In your name I pray, Amen.
Tomorrow I will be starting the next 9 months of my life! I’m sitting in my bed crying because i already miss my friends, and my family more than i thought i would! As soon as my mommy came to tuck me in for the last time before I leave i broke down…i rely on my mom for everything..i tell her everything..she helps me with everything and when i feel sick or sad shes always the first one to make me feel better. My mom and my dad have been there since day one and i couldn’t have ever asked for better parents! They’ve definitely shaped who I am today! Even now, as im following their footsteps and going to Bible School like they did when they were my age, I know that they’re proud of me and watching me grow and walk with Christ in this next stage of life i’m about to embark on! God bless you everyone! And pray for me as I’m taking a leap of faith and stepping out of my comfort zone to start an incredible journey for the next 9 months of my life! Sorry ya’ll for invading your dash but I just had to let that one of my system before i go to sleep!! <3
I’m leaving everything I know and feel comfortable with in less than 2 weeks. I’m going to a foreign place with new people and new life experiences. Its the scariest and most exciting thing I’ve ever done in my life so far. I can’t believe I’ll be leaving everyone and everything behind for a whole year and almost starting entirely fresh with all new people and life experiences. Although I am going with a friend of mine, I know that the most comforting part of going on this journey is knowing that God will be there with me, helping me grow into a better woman of God. I hope and pray that although it’ll be hard leaving everything I know behind, that I will be able to confidently take a step out of my comfort zone and make my next year at bible school the best it can be. It’s an amazing experience I need embrace, I need to be brave and take a leap of faith knowing that God has a plan for me this next year.
got to meet one of my future classmates for next year at bible school! Getting SO pumped…only 27 more days until COLORADO!!